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2004-03-11 at 8:42 p.m. - spring break...boy do i need a break

Well i thought i should update before me and my best buddy Bob go to the OC in CA. I'm going to miss my other buddies. Right this minute i feel like just chillin out all week here at home, possibly breaking in all my new colored pencils i got for my bday but have been really too busy to mess around with. I did finally fully complete a scholarship today, and i'm pretty sure i'm going to get it too. 1,000 from GEAR for sports baby!!!! Having family connections is cool. But i'm really sad that i had Ms Hollinshed write me a letter of recommendation and she spelled my name wrong one of the 4 times in the letter and spelled with as wioth, and gives as gibes...? So that should look real good, my english teacher not being able to spell...not even my name. *shakes head*

I was going to have to ride the bus home today, which wouldn't have been that bad, but i ended up not. Jake stopped me at my locker after school and he ended up saying that he was only tutoring for like 30 min and he could take me home. So i talked with him in the hall for a while cause the tutor-es weren't there yet,and then i ended up hangin in the library (yes i'm a dork) and got to overhear a lecture about internet searches from conrad, muchly interesting hearing her trying to be peppy and trying to teach someone...it was just. weird. So he gave me a ride home, we honked at Elsbe, i laughed as he tried to mouth "nice car" and we talked. We are both going to be in San Diego on the 18th but he doesn't want to try and meet at the zoo or anything. He doesn't "want to impose" on our spring break. We are both going to "go out" with other people on spring break, bring it on!!!!!!! It doesn't surprise me that he doesn't want to put forth any effort. Sometimes , well most of the time actually, i feel like i am doing all the romantic stuff in this relationship. I mean he is still stiff in several areas of our relationship, but i don't know how much of that is i'm his first real gf and how much is he doesn't know how to be romantic. Maybe i just expect all the romantic stuff bc Adam did it so much and i just sort of need it now... But then there is the pushing off of the couch and the deep conversations we have and i for get the lack of stuff i want.

So this trip is costing me a small fortune that i should be saving for college, i mean the plane ticket alone ws $361! Mom is having me bring back a bottle of sand like we don't have enough dust collecting things in this house. It should be a fun trip , it better be. Being at the beach is always grand , i feel so inspired there...that may be the pises fish coming out. I need a break though, i keep hoping and expecting that i'll catch a break in school work and stuff but it NEVER comes and i am so exhausted all the time, and never have any real enery except when i'm over at jake's...don't ask. Any spare time is spent doing these stupid essay questions for the scholarship applications. AHHHHHHHHHhhhh!!!

I mean solo competition is the 4th and i seriously haven't had time to practice for a whole week. The last time i practiced before tonight was last thursday. That is also on top of my pile of stuff weighing me down. I wanna graduate just so i can finally get some decent sleep! My hair has needed to be cut bc of split ends and its just longer than i want it, but i havne't been home. Work, and i always seem to be doing something on weekends. This past weekend was a prime example: fri-movie night at landa's sat: cleaning and movie night/morning at jake's sun: elsbe's concert and catching up on homework. i must have been out of my mind taking IB phys, why, i am so completely lost in that class it really and truely isn't funny and i don't think i will ever be able to get a clue or an inkling...its sad, very sad.

so i'm going to stop rambling because i am tired and i still need to pack some things.

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